Asking ‘why’ is often a great approach. It’s a wonderful way to express our curiosity and to deepen our understanding or find a new way of doing things. But, beware the ‘why’ question when it comes to problem-solving.
Asking ‘why’ something went wrong or ‘why’ we’re not achieving our goals can be a really disempowering approach and keep us focused on – and stuck in – the problem state. ‘Why’ is often used to point the finger and find out who is to blame. And this isn’t always the most important or productive line of inquiry, including if you yourself are to blame. ‘Why am I so stupid?’ is not going to help you feel good or move forward.
And the questions you ask, particularly the questions you ask of yourself, have a powerful effect. When you ask yourself a question, your subconscious mind goes to work trying to find you the answers. And if you ask an unhelpful question, you’ll get unhelpful answers.
So if you pose the disempowering question ‘Why do I always miss deadlines?’ your mind is going to present you with some disempowering answers: ‘because you’re lazy, disorganised and unprofessional’. This approach is just amplifying the problem and, in this case, further embedding your sense of identity as someone who misses deadlines. The use of ‘why’ as a tool is predominantly a complaint, looking at who is to blame and focusing on the problem and the past.
Replacing ‘why’ with ‘how’ in these situations is a far more useful and empowering approach. ‘How’ is a process question and creates a sense of forward momentum. It involves identifying the outcome you want, and helps you identify how to move towards it. So it’s much more helpful to ask ‘How can I ensure I meet my deadlines?’ Your mind will search for the answers to that question and present you with possible solutions: ‘I can work in 25 minute sprints and leave my phone in the other room. I can delegate more. I can speak to my mentor about time management’.
The ‘How?’ question focuses our mind on solutions, the future, and what action we need to take. And it’s the same in a group situation. If something’s going wrong in a project, it might sometimes be fruitful to ask why, but it’ll often be more energising, motivating and solution-focused to ask how you’re going to resolve things and create a more robust process from now on.
So the next time you find yourself asking ‘Why’, check and see if it could more usefully be replaced with a ‘How’ question instead.
With best wishes,
Sarah Cookson
Personal development and team building