Confidence unlocks so much for you in life and work – better job opportunities, empowering beliefs, richer relationships, and stronger wellbeing and resilience. There’s a myth that confidence is something you’ve either innately got or you haven’t – this is not true. Confidence is a skill, and just like any other skill, it can be learned and developed.
You can build confidence by making small changes to your mindset, your physiology and your habits. This article looks at the physiology of confidence – because changing your body language is both a great way to exude confidence and a surprisingly fast and effective way to build confidence. The mind-body connection is so potent that adopting the postures of confidence on the outside actually helps promote feelings of confidence on the inside.
The importance of looking confident
The moment you meet someone, they form an impression of you. We make snap assessments of people’s competence, likeability and trustworthiness within a matter of seconds. It’s our primitive mind in operation – doing its job of keeping us safe, by deciding very quickly if someone is friend or foe. And much of this assessment is based on body language: it’s the first thing people notice about you, and 55% of communication is nonverbal, so it’s crucial to get it right.
If you are looking confident and exuding confidence, people are more likely to form a favourable impression and give you the respect and attention you deserve – and listen to the message you’re delivering. Conversely, if you’re giving off nervous, uncomfortable vibes, you might not be taken so seriously. It is really important therefore to learn how to look confident, even if you’re not feeling it yet inside.
Here’s how to exude a confidence that communicates your capability and warmth:
1. Own your space
When people are feeling happy and full of pride (say after a sporting success), they take up space and seem to become physically bigger. If someone’s feeling defeated or ashamed on the other hand, they tend to curl up and try to become smaller or invisible.
If you want to exude confidence, emulate the body language of a winner. When you take up more space, by having an open stance, holding your shoulders back and planting your feet wide apart, this signals confidence and positivity. If you’re sitting down, aim to take up space with your arms rather than holding them tightly into your body. No need to manspread, but hold yourself upright and fill up your space.
And beware of unintentionally adopting a low power pose in a meeting or a waiting room. If a colleague sees you with your arms crossed, gazing downwards, caving in, the impression they’ll get is unlikely to be “here’s an amazingly confident person who knows what they’re doing.” Aim to take up space, with your head held high – and you’ll both radiate and inspire confidence.
2. Eye contact
Maintaining good eye contact with the person you’re speaking with shows them you’re present, interested and engaged. As well as projecting authority and self assurance, holding someone’s gaze helps you connect and empathise with them, and makes you and your words more memorable.
As a guide, aim to follow the 80/20 rule: spend about 80% of the time with your eyes meeting your colleagues’ eyes and 20% of the time with your gaze slightly averted (holding someone’s gaze 100% of the time is just a bit creepy!)
If you’re speaking to a large audience, try locking eyes with people across the audience. This builds a sense of connection. It also makes you feel more like you’re talking with one person at a time – helping you speak in a natural, conversational way that also exudes confidence.
3. An open posture
When you’re speaking with someone, it’s good to face them full on. This conveys a sense of self-belief and helps you build rapport. So check that your feet, shoulders and hips are all pointing towards the person. That way, you are signalling that they have your full attention and they will feel listened to. When someone has their feet pointing away from you, or towards the door, you get the message that they’re not really interested and want to get away!
Ideally, also make sure that there are no obstacles in the way – so if you’re having a one-to-one meeting, you could have it in a coffee shop rather than over the barrier of a desk. And check you’re not clutching a bag or anything else across your body that might create a block.
4. Hands
Good hand gestures are a key part of confident body language. Research shows that the most watched and charismatic TED talk speakers use multiple hand gestures. Using your hands in the right way can emphasise the point you’re making and show that you are genuine and trustworthy.
Going back to the primitive mind again, that mind likes to see other people’s hands – it shows that person isn’t armed or hiding anything (people often keep their hands out of sight when they’re telling a lie). So don’t be afraid of speaking with your hands.
A good handshake can set the tone for a positive interaction and signal warmth and co-operation. In online calls, try sitting a little further back so you can include hand gestures in your camera screen. And during presentations, using open hand gestures will communicate collaboration and openness.
5. Streamline
When people turn up to a meeting carrying a lot of stuff – papers, bags, a coat and an umbrella – they give off the impression of being less organised and lacking in confidence. And if you’re carrying all these things, you’re going to feel in a flap having to sort out where to put them all.
So take a moment before going into a meeting to streamline what you’re carrying – less is more in terms of projecting confidence. Less baggage, fewer notes. It shows that you know how to select the right resources and the right information for the situation at hand.
Exuding confidence and feeling confident
The expression “fake it til you make it” really can work when it comes to confidence. Using your body language to emulate confidence – taking up power poses and holding your head high – can actually make you feel more assured and expansive.
In fact, it’s more that you’re “faking it til you become it”. Not so snappy I know, and it doesn’t rhyme, but once you’re exuding confidence by positioning your body in the right way, you will naturally feel more confident and powerful.
So, particularly at a first meeting, make sure you’re filling up your space and that your first gestures include eye contact, a warm smile and an open approachable stance. All these things give off confident and warm vibes which reassure that new person (at an instinctive level) that you are competent and can be trusted. Once that interaction goes well, this too will boost your inner confidence.
In short, get your body posture right, and confidence starts to flow.
One to one sessions and training
If you are struggling with low confidence and need some help, I provide one to one sessions for confidence building, overcoming imposter syndrome and fear of public speaking. I help my clients achieve rapid and transformational improvements in their confidence. Here’s what a recent client had to say: “Working with Sarah has made a world of difference to my confidence – in my personal life as well as at work. This has actually been life changing for me.” If you want to find out more, do get in touch for a free consultation.
I also run tailored confidence building and communication skills events for public sector lawyers. These hybrid training events are interactive and enjoyable as well as delivering practical skills for enhancing performance and job satisfaction for lawyers working in the public sector. If you’re interested in soft skills training with a difference, do get in touch.
Sarah